Therapists have Mental Health Too….
I remember the first time I was the client in a counselor’s office. I was in college. It was an on campus counseling center and the session was actually part of a class assignment. I was in the psychology program and they gave you bonus points for meeting with one of their graduate students. It was a win win; the graduate student got to practice, I got bonus points (which believe me I needed after that last Psychopharmacology test). Now let me tell you, I didn’t go easy on her. I was actually the client that all therapists dread. I stared at the poor graduate student with a rock solid wall kind of stare. I gave one word answers. She had a smile pasted on her face, panic in her eyes. I knew she was nervous, and I didn’t throw her a bone. I was determined to get through the session with very little information shared. That was me, the guarded one. And I did it….I survived the session, got my bonus points and never looked back.
The truth is, I really could have used counseling back then. And those around me knew it. I had a chaplain at the school reach out (I did the same thing to him….one word answers, blank stares, “I don’t need your help”). I had a coach try to talk to me, roommates, a walk in clinic doctor even recognized the signs and tried to prescribe me anti depressants. With the knowledge I know now, I met criterion for major depressive disorder. I needed help but was determined to figure it all out on my own. I call my college years my angry years.
After College I struggled off and on in grad school, but for the most part stayed focused, motivated and content. After I finished my masters in Public Health I couldn’t find a job and soon I dropped into another deep depression…..the kind where you can’t get out of bed. I still didn’t get professional help. I had the support of family who coaxed me along and eventually I found a job and came out of the darkest part of the depression. After about a year I enrolled in a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy Program. I excelled in the program, and did really well with clients. I flourished in the profession and hid my struggle pretty well.
After grad school, I had the great fortune of working in an agency where the leadership lead the way in talking about their own mental health and personal counseling experiences. It was through this open environment that I finally gave myself permission to seek help. The therapist I met with admitted up front of being intimidated by me. Something about her humility allowed me to soften and she got to see the vulnerable side of me. The side of me that is ok admitting I have weaknesses. The side of me that is ok admitting I don’t know it all. She was so kind. I appreciate her. She helped pave the way for me to explore other ways to help my mental health. Over the years I’ve done therapy, spiritual direction, guided meditations, supplements, and intentional self exploration and self care practices.
Today depression still sneaks up on me. But it’s not a long time resident any longer. When it’s here, it’s usually as an overnight or weekend guest. Now I know…..depression is actually here to let me know something. Usually that I’ve stuffed my sadness about something or many things over a period of time. Sometimes depression is here to tell me to rest. So when depression is here, I let my family know I need some time; then I journal, find the source of my deep sadness and I release it. Usually by connecting my deep sadness to my creator and envisioning myself held by loving arms as I weep. Then I treat myself to something I enjoy that feels grounding, and depression moves on.
So today I give you permission. You therapists, counselors, pastoral counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists……to recognize we are all human and have our own struggles. You may be a marriage therapist who’s marriage is falling apart. You may be a child psychologist who’s own kids are really struggling and you don’t know how to help them. You may be an addictions therapist who keeps struggling with your own addictions. You may be an individual therapist who struggles with your own anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, trauma. It’s ok. Our job is to recognize it, acknowledge it, seek help, be vulnerable with a trusted someone, and be kind to ourselves and others on our journey.
Alice Stricklin, LMFT
