Healing After Trauma
Someone recently asked me ‘what does healing after trauma look like? At the time I answered a short and simple response. However, as I stayed with the question my response continues to expand into a complex yet simple concept.
Healing after trauma looks like healing into connection. Connection to oneself, connection to ones body, connection to others, and connection to God.
Let’s look at these a little more in depth and recognize the nuance of each…
When a traumatic event happens, your body goes into natural physiological survival responses also known as trauma responses; fight, flight, freeze, fawn, collapse and submit.
When these responses are evoked often; due to multiple trauma incidents in a short amount of time, trauma at the hands of someone you care about or are attached to, or trauma at the hands of a caregiver as in the case with children, you learn to disconnect from yourself and focus more on survival and safety.
When it seems like the trauma events will not end, the natural response becomes disconnection…
Disconnection from the present moment experience because it’s too overwhelming and too painful to be in it.
Disconnection from your emotions because they are overwhelming, hopeless, dark, scary, too much.
Disconnection from your friends and supporters because they wouldn’t understand, or it’s not safe to talk about it, or you don’t know where to start, or you would get overwhelmed just talking about it, or more bad things will happen.
Disconnection from your body because it didn’t cooperate like you wanted it too, it froze up when you wanted to fight, or you fought when you should have stayed quiet, you didn’t run away like you wanted to, or your body responded to a touch you didn’t want and it was very confusing.
Disconnection from your God because where was God, why didn’t you get rescued, why were you not worthy enough or valuable enough to be saved from this.
Disconnection from a felt sense of safety, because nothing feels safe, no one feels safe anymore, places don’t feel safe, and love doesn’t feel safe.
Healing looks like movement towards connection. Healing into connection.
Healing looks like beginning to have compassion for yourself and what you went through. Movement towards seeing yourself in a different light.
Healing looks like beginning to feel your body again, trust it, recognize it’s cues and respond to the cues. It looks like nurturing your body and beginning to understand all the ways your body is in service to you and your survival.
Healing looks like beginning to share with people again. Sharing in vulnerability, sharing in generosity, sharing with your trust, sharing in your initiating.
Healing looks like slowly testing your environments and learning the cues of danger and the cues of safety. Healing looks like connecting to trust and beginning to experience trust in yourself; your instincts, your discernment, and trust in others.
Healing looks like connecting with your community and holding compassion for others on the journey. It means taking what you are learning about yourself and applying it to others and recognizing when others act badly they are dealing with their own wounds and healing process.
It means connecting with your choices that you can set boundaries, walk away in peace, stay in peace, offer what you can at any given moment and know that it is good and right and valuable.
It means connecting with your God and seeing all the ways God was, is, and will be present in all of it. Connecting to God looks like beginning to see God through all of it and receive the messages of hope, care, and love.
Healing after trauma is a journey to connection that is not on a straight path nor an easy path, but a beautiful path nonetheless. Healing after trauma is where you learn just how strong, amazing and beautiful you truly are. And you emerge more like your beautiful self than you ever were before.
Written By: Alice Stricklin, LMFT
